Step-By-Step
by KokoroDesiree
Summary: 'Just go to work Magnus. I'll be here when you get back.' He smiled at me at the time. "But you weren't." I cried out as I hugged myself now. This story jumps from the past to the present under Magnus' POV. What's happened to him and Alec? Did Alec leave him? AU
1. Chapter 1

**A Beginning For The End**

Waking up to the blare of my alarm clock, slapping it off and reaching across the bed. Without even realizing this had become routine. I would seek out his waist and pull him against me, burying my face into the crook of his neck wanting to sleep some more. But then he would start chuckling and playfully complaining that my morning stubble tickled, and sleep would no longer be possible with the sweet sound of his voice in my ears.

I was never one who saw himself settling down with one person. Sure I had long term relationships but those lasted no longer than a couple of months before I became uncomfortable and moved on to someone new. If I could go back to our first meeting and stop it from happening, I probably would .Not because I wasn't happy, because I was. Happier than I have ever been. And not because he was unsatisfied, because he wasn't. He always told me how happy and loved he felt, and I loved him. I love him.

I would stop our meeting because it would have been better id we had never fallen in love. His family would be happier, he would have a normal life, and I would have continued living like I had planned, but it was too late.

* * *

It was just another night at my favorite club, Pandemonium. The music was blasting and I was grinding with a golden tanned beach-god that had one drink too many and was ready for anything I was about to suggest, but something caught my eye. It was by the bar, or should i say he was. He looked so out of place with his over-sized sweater and jeans. He was so plain and ordinary looking from a distance that I had to know why he was here, at a club all alone.

I pushed away from beach-boy and made my way towards the bar. As I got closer I realized he was tall, not nearly as tall as me, but I definitely wouldn't be leaning down to talk to him. His hair was jet black and his pale skin turned colors under the flashing neon lights. I couldn't see his face under the shadows his hair cased across it. He was staring down at the drink he was holding, it looked like a sunset.

I neared, about to speak, but just then he raised his head and looked right at me. I was struck silent by the sharp and beautiful blue eyes that stared at me. As I was lost in his gaze I vaguely heard my inner voice say, _"Black hair and blue eyes, your favorite combination."_ It was right. he was my ideal type, but I tried to stay away from them as their looks made it harder to breakup with them later on. I should have done that, turned around and forgot about him, but he was just too cute. Pale, young face, big blue eyes, and parted lips that looked soft and inviting.

"Sorry, are you looking for someone?" He suddenly asked breaking the trance. His voice was deep and sweet.

I ran a hand through my hair as I regained my sense. I chuckled as i stepped closer to him. "You looked lost. I came to help you." I said with a tilt of my head. Both guys ad girls loved it when I gave them this look. They crumbled helplessly to me. I loved it.

His face flushed as he looked back down at his drink flustered. It was so cute. "I'm not lost. I'm just not use to these places." He replied running his pointer finger around the rim of his glass. His fingers were long and slim and delicate looking like the rest of him.

"Then what brings you here?" I asked placing my hands on my leather pant clad hips.

"Well," He paused and I caught his blue eyes peeking up at me. I smirked at him and even his ears turned red this time. "I was trying to find a date." His voice was quiet, I had to struggle to her it over the blasting music and cries of the clubbers.

I stepped closer placing a hand on his shoulder. He flinched startled and I laughed. "I'm open for a date." I said lowering my mouth to his ear. When I pulled away his face had lit up like fireworks on the forth of July. I bit my lip trying not to laugh at just how cute he was, and he was at least twenty-one.

"Then how about Friday?" He offered using one of his hands to reach into his jeans' pockets. "We can decide on a place to eat. What's your number?"

I played along and gave him my number, and he gave me his.

"What's your name?" He asked typing away. "I'm Alec."

I leaned over him using one hand to tilt his head up, and I kissed him. He gasped a little and it made me chuckle. As I pulled away I replied, "Magnus Bane."

He was speechless after that. With a quick peck on his cheek I bid him a farewell as I left Pandemonium for another club. The sweet tang of his drink and lips dances across my mouth, and I should have taken it as a warning, but it was too delicious. I needed more of _Alec_.

* * *

Rolling over in bed after shutting the alarm off I looked for Alec to hold against me, but the blankets next to me were cool and unused. My brain took a moment before it realized he wasn't there. My hand clenched the empty sheets with a numbing force until I released a bone shaking sign. Turning my face into my pillow I tried to control myself, but the thought still came. Painful and unwanted as it bounced around inside my head.

_That's right. He left._

* * *

**There's the beginning. Yeah short, but they'll get longer. You guys asked for more Malec so here it is. Don't hate me by the end, okay?**

**Leave a review so there will be more chapters to come!**


	2. Chapter 2

**A Way To Start A Morning**

Kisses while brushing teeth. Whistling while cooking. Cold showers together in the summer, warm ones in the winter. Morning's were my favorite part of the day, but they never lasted long enough before work called. He off to his father's company and I to my cushy salesman job at a high-end boutique. I get paid by commission and I never failed to walk away with an extra large paycheck.

After I started dating Alec my paycheck decreased, my heart wasn't into the flirting like it use to. Alec was always on my mind and I teased him all the time that he was the reason I would starve or wind up homeless. He would return with, "I would never let that happen. I'll take care of you." And he did. Smiling happily at me, loving me, cooking when I couldn't- and still can't. He was the greatest mistake I made.

* * *

"Magnus." He groaned wiggling in my arms. "It's time to get up."

It was but I was too comfortable, and Alec was so warm and inviting. I couldn't bare to move and ruin my paradise.

"Do you want me to go to work and hit on old ladies?" I grumbled into his shoulder, giving it a gentle kiss at the end of my words.

"No." He replied flatly. He had stopped moving and trying to get free though he hadn't been putting up a real fight.

"What's wrong?" I asked lifting my head so I was looking down at him. He was staring out the door while gnawing at his bottom lip. What had I said that upset him Did I take my joke too far?

"Do you like working there?" Alec asked still avoiding my gaze.

"It pays the bills and I'm good at it." I answered truthfully.

Alec muttered, "Of course you're good at it."

I pulled back from him in shock. Was this dark attitude really coming from Alec? My Alec? The boy who beamed about our first date? The boy who got flustered when we first had sex? Was this really coming from him?

"What's that suppose to mean?" I asked as I felt my brows furrow.

Alec's face turned red and he rolled onto his stomach burying his face into his pillow. Now that was the Alec I had come to know over the last three months, my longest relationship.

"Alexander." I pressed sitting up causing the blankets to pool around my waist.

He punched his pillow and I held back the urge to laugh at his cute temper. He was always cute.

"I'm jalemsf." He murmured out the side of his mouth.

"Huh?" I raised a brow.

"I'm jealous." He groaned lifting his head.

"Of what?" I inquired as he finally looked at me with those big blue eyes.

"Magnus." He whined. He pulled the blankets over his head. Sometimes it was hard to believe he was twenty-one. "You flirt with people all day, and you use to go out clubbing and do the same thing. I just don't see how I fit in." He explained flopping onto his back. His arm tossed over his eyes, but I could still see the blush on his cheeks.

I huffed burying my face into my hands. This guy was so frustrating sometimes, but it always made life interesting. He was indeed not the type I usually dated but that was probably why I liked him so much more than the others.

"Wha-?" Alec gasped as I pressed myself on top of him. "Magnus-"

"Right here." I said wrapping my arms around him. "You fit right here. Don't worry about those other morons, they're not you. Okay?"

He was quiet as I hugged him close. Then he was nuzzling my neck and his hands were wandering up the bare skin of my back. I trembled before stealing a hot kiss from him.

"Unfortunately not this morning darling." I said as he tried to catch his breath. "Someone lazed around too long and now we're running late." I glanced at the alarm clock on the nightstand and sure enough we only had an hour to get ready, and my level of perfection took at least two.

"That would be you." He accused hitting me with my own pillow.

"No I think it was my jealous boyfriend." I winked. Swiftly I got off of him and the bed and made my way to the bathroom across the hall.

"Magnus!" Alec whined tossing the pillow. It hit my back and all I could do was laugh.

"If you don't want to be late, then come shower with me!" I called over my should. A moment later I heard the rustle of sheets and the hurried footsteps behind me.

He was so predictable.

* * *

I forced myself out of bed with a muted groan and trudged through the pile of dirty clothes on my way to the bathroom. The apartment was silent except for the gargled purr of my cat, Chairman Meow. The last time my apartment was this quiet was almost two years ago before Alec first moved in. He would hum or whistle to brighten the eerie silence.

There was none of that now. There hadn't been any laughing or off-key tunes in a week.

I made my way into the cluttered bathroom, avoiding the mirror that would only show how much I needed help. The bruises under my eyes would be darker, eyes redder from a restless sleep, the hair along my jaw beyond stubble and in need of a shove. I would look like shit.

I never thought a relationship would effect me like this, but here I was sulking and disheveled like some bum.

I took a much need shower and tried to push Alec from my thoughts. I couldn't though. The last words before her left were on constant repeat in my head. A sob shook me as my tears mixed with the warm cascading water.

_'Just go to work Magnus. I'll be here when you get back.'_ He smiled at me at the time.

"But you weren't." I cried out as I hugged myself now.

* * *

**Chapter two guys. What do you think?**

**Leave a review please!**


	3. Chapter 3

**A Place To Belong To**

The faucet squeaked loudly as I shut the water off. Grabbing a towel I stepped out of the shower thankful for the steam that covered the mirror as I left the bathroom. The Chairman was now sprawled across the unmade bed with all for of his paws in the air. The first time Alec had seen my cat do that he nearly had a heart attack, thinking the lazy fuzzball was dead.

* * *

Alec was finally moving in. It only took a month of subtle hints, and endless invitations before he finally agreed. He already spent more time at my place than his own and half his wardrobe took over my closet. Five months together and _I_ was the one suggesting he move in. It was unlike me to do, but Alec was different. I loved him.

"Why are you smiling at me like that?" He asked as we stepped out of the elevator with the last of his boxes.

"Because." I hummed taking the lead down the hall to _our_ apartment.

Alec hurried after me asking, "Because why?"

I kicked the shoe we used to prop the door open aside and bumped the door with my hip so it was wide enough to walk through. "Because I can." I smirked as he darted through the door as it swung shut.

Alec sat the box he was carrying on top of a stack. His blue eyes narrowing at me as he stood up straight. I chuckled.

"What's so funny?" He asked puffing out his cheeks in frustration. His hands planted on his hips trying to look intimidating, but it only made me laugh again.

I sat my box on the kitchen table before walking over to him and linking my arms around his neck. "You're so cute." I said softly. "I'm glad you're moving in." I said before kissing the tip of his nose. He blushed.

"You're teasing me again." He mumbled turning his head away from me.

"Why would I do that?" I purred against his ear.

"Because you're already twenty-six." He replied wiggling out of my grasp. He started moving towards the bedroom where several more boxes sat, waiting to be unpacked.

"You'll be twenty-two soon." I reminded him. "Four years is hardly a gap." I assured him as I turned to the boxes on the table.

"It's the difference between a middle-schooler and a senior." Alec grumbled disappearing around the corner.

"We're not in high school." I sighed to myself.

I had just pulled open a box full of albums and pictures in frames when a yelp sounded from the bedroom. I didn't pause as I charged down the small hallway, only to hear, "Oh my God!"

"What's wrong?" I burst into the room looking for some sort of danger or an injured Alec.

There was neither.

A box of clothes laid spilled over the foot of the bed. Alec was cowering back to the closed closet doors panting and eyes staring in fear. I followed his wide blue gaze back to the bed. There laying in the middle of the queen-size bed like he usually does when I'm not around was Chairman Meow. Alec loved the tiny gray furball and Chairman Meow had grown attached to the blue eyed boy unlike my other "dates."

"It's just the Chairman." I said stepping towards the bed. The cat was laying in one of his weird positions again, flat on his back, four legs bent slightly in the air and his tail coiled atop his stomach. He was an adorably strange pet, who's birthday was just as important as my own.

"M-Magnus. He's dead." Alec choked out. He had inched away from the closet, but kept distance between him and my "dead cat." "I'm so sorry." He added sympathetically.

I reached for the car and scooped him up into my arms as he released a crackling groan of protest. I cuddled the creature as I asked in a mock baby tone, "Who's dead?"

Looking up at Alec I almost dropped Chairman Meow at his befuddled expression. It was so funny I couldn't stop the laugh, instead I buried my face into my cat to muffle the sound.

"B-But he was. . . How can he sleep like that?" Alec asked flabbergasted.

I shrugged. "I don't know. I'm not a cat."

Chairman Meow croaked another groan of protest and I let him go. He landed on his feet and scurried off out of the bedroom.

Alec covered his face as he slumped onto the bed with a sigh of utter relief. "Thank God. I thought my moving-in had cursed you." He breathed lowering his hands.

I towered over him. "How would that even be possible?" I challenged. He looked up at me with soft eyes and an unsure half smile. His expression made my chest tighten painfully. What was he thinking?

"I just never thought you would want me here. I can't see why it's me." He said lowering his gaze to his hands in his lap.

I pushed him over so he was on his back, and I climbed on top straddling his hips and pinning his hands over his head. His eyes widened as I stared down at him. "I don't know why it's you either, but I'm glad it is." I said firmly. "I want you here, all the time. Do you not want to be here?"

"No!" Alec said frantically. "I do. I really do."

"Then there's no problem." I declared lowering my face to his.

"Except your freaky cat." He commented stopping my decent to kiss him.

"My cat is not freaky." I said insulted. "He's unique."

There was silence then we both broke out laughing. I fell next to him on the bed still shaking with laughter.

"I love you." Alec said propping himself up on his elbow. His cheeks flushed a slight pink with his words.

"Love you too." I smiled.

He kissed me, but I was the one who turned it into an afternoon of welcome-home-sex. It was fun for everyone involved, though when it ended Alec complained that we should have been unpacking, but there was a pleased smile on his face.

* * *

I managed to find a pair of clean jeans in the growing pile of dirty clothes, and a sweater that wasn't mine. I had never been one for solid dull colors, but I put it on anyway. It helped somehow. It made everything slightly less real as I scooped the Chairman off the bed and headed into the kitchen in search of food.

The cat fell from hands before I made it into the quiet and empty kitchen. There was no bad whistling rendition of _'Good Morning'_, or the sizzle and smell of cooking food. I checked the fridge, but all I had left was bottle water and leftovers that needed to be thrown out. I hunted around but there was nothing edible.

It wasn't surprising. I had been the living-dead for the last eight days. Missing work, ignoring phone calls, and knocks on the door, but I had to get back on my feet. If not for me, but for Chairman Meow who had to eat too. I couldn't keep blaming him for leaving. I was amazed I got two years with him.

_I knew I wasn't meant for long term relationships. But I never listen to the sensible part of my brain. I keep hoping things would change. They haven't._


	4. Chapter 4

**Another Stop Along The Way**

Stuffing my feet into the nearest pair of shoes I readied myself to leave. Wallet in my pack pocket, keys in hard, cellphone on the coffee table.

I left.

The sun was bright outside as it rose above the city. Summer was coming to an end and the mornings held a slight chill. I shuffled along with the foot traffic, enjoying the mind numbing noises of the city. Alec hated it. He wanted to live somewhere that was quiet and had fewer people, but he couldn't bare to leave his family. They had already suffered a loss many years ago when Alec's little brother died because of a careless biker.

I shook my head trying to get rid of the thoughts of him. Alec had left, that was his decision. I couldn't change that. _But what if I had ignored the call from work? What if I stayed with him instead? Would things be different?_

A chime sounded breaking through my reverie. I turned to see a familiar diner.

* * *

"Magnus look." Alec said tugging on my arm. It was Sunday and we both had off. Alec had wanted a tour of the area of where he was living now, and I agreed since I hadn't actually wandered the neighborhood. I was never interested.

Alec was pointing to a small family diner that sat between two huge buildings. It was easily missed.

"Taki's." Alec read the white neon sign above the door. "Have you ever been?" He asked with his carefree smile.

"No. I didn't even know it was here." I replied.

Alec released my hand and made his way to the front door. He looked over his shoulder at me with an excited grin. "Let's have lunch here." He said waving me over.

Chuckling I followed after him. A bell above the door chimed as Alec pushed it open. A young waitress welcomed us, her name was Kaelie and her smile was awfully cheery for a busy person in NYC. She led us to a table between an elderly couple and a pair of office women talking business.

"What would you like to drink?" She asked as we sat down.

I looked at the back of the menu she handed me while Alec turned to Kaelie and asked, "Do you sell hot chocolate?"

"All year long." Kaelie smiled back.

"Then one hot chocolate and an ice tea. "I ordered.

She wrote it down the flounced away with a happy-go-lucky smile. Sweet girl.

"Are you a kid or what?" I teased while opening my menu.

"I'm not a kid." Alec countered opening his own menu.

"Autumn is just starting and you want hot chocolate." I pointed out.

"I like it." Alec muttered. I peered up to see him blushing behind his menu.

I hid back my laugh as I said, "I know." Under the table I bumped my leg with his. It wasn't hard, we were both tall. "That's why I ordered it for you, Alexander."

He blushed more like he always does when I say his full name. A small smile on his face as he returned my bump.

"Here you go." Kaelie said reappearing suddenly with our drinks.

We ordered out food shortly after and Alec had fallen in love with Taki's brand of hot chocolate. Before I knew it we started attending the small diner every Sunday whether it was for breakfast, lunch, or dinner. It became routine. Alec and his hot chocolate, and Kaelie with her cheery smile. Alec continued to order the hot chocolate even when the brad changed and he clearly didn't like it as much. He was so adorable.

* * *

The ball about the door chimed familiarly and I was quickly seated by a waiter. I didn't bother looking at the menu, I knew it by heart after more than a year reading it.

"What can I-" Kaelie bounced over asking, but paused staring at me. "Magnus I didn't recognize you." She said with a friendly smile.

I scratched at my un-managed facial hair. "Yeah, I need a shave." I said lowering my hand. Even to my own ears my voice sounded rough and under used after a week of only crying and not speaking to anyone.

"No. I knew it was you at first sight, but I just didn't believe it." She corrected.

I tilted my head confused.

"You're not with Alec. I've never seen you two apart. Is he coming soon?" She asked looking to the front of the store.

My heart throbbed and I felt the unwelcomed tears build. I lowered my head letting my ungelled hair flop cross my face.

"Umm, no. No, Alec isn't coming. It's just me today." I replied through the pain in my chest.

"Oh." Kaelie huffed disappointingly. She wasn't the only one. "Well bring him by soon, we just got his favorite hot chocolate brand back. He wasn't the only one complaining about it." She giggling picking up my menu. "So what will you have?"

"The usual, but make the tea a hot chocolate." I replied. I could see the smug smile Alec would give me for my order. The twinkle in his blue eyes.

"Got it." Kaelie said as she walked away writing in her order pad.

When she was gone I buried my face in my hands trying not to break down in public. I had to be strong. I had to keep moving forward or I would drown. Drown in my own tears, in the dark feelings that swelled inside of me. I didn't want to slip away anymore.

* * *

**Okay I know I said the chapters would get longer, we-llllllll That may not be totally true. This story is best told in pieces so please don't hate me. And I have no idea how long it'll be. So we're all riding this crazy wave together. And to answer some of the questions "Yes. Yes you guys are in for an angsty ride. There is a reason it's labeled as a Tragedy. So you were thoroughly warned before you started reading." ;P heeheehee.**

**Leave a Review (and let me know how you're feeling about the mystery that is Alec) muahahaha**

**BTW do get me wrong thinking I enjoy writing this sort of story cause I don't really. It hurts me on the inside but I also love watching your reactions. Maybe I have the dark heart of a real author hmmm... That has promise XD **


	5. Chapter 5

**Climbing The Ladder**

"Are you sure about this, Alec?" I asked as we slowly made our way up the front walk of a suburban house that was twice the size of it's neighbors.

"It's fine Magnus. They've known I'm gay since senior year. Alec said grabbing my arm and pulling me faster towards the bright red door.

"This is a really big step." I stalled dragging my feet.

Alec stopped pulling me and we stopped at the bottom of the set of rounded stairs leading to the door. "Yeah, and so was moving in together." He said slowly.

"This is bigger." I stated. My heart was racing and my stomach was doing flips.

Fall in love? _Sure._ Move in together? _Why not._ Meet the parents? _Hold on a second!_

"Magnus," Alec whispered releasing my arm. "Do you not want to meet my family?" He asked with a hurt expression.

"No, well, not exactly." I said trying to find the right words. Those weren't it. Alec's expression darkened and it looked like he would cry. It made me feel worse. "It's not that I don't," I began. "I do, but I can't believe I am. Do I look like the sort to be introduced to parents?" I challenged gesturing to myself. I was in my most subdued outfit I could manage; black slacks, a bright teal colored dress shirt with a gold tie with sparkles. My hair was spiked and gelled to it's usual perfection, and my green eyes had a thin ring of eyeliner painted on. I toned it down just for Alec's CEO father and Secretary mother.

Today was the monthly Lightwood dinner and Alec had finally talked me into going. Well he didn't talk me into anything, he waited until after a hot night of sex to ask. I was half asleep, in bliss, and wasn't even coherent at the time. He was sly, and now I was staying on my toes around him.

"Well, no." Alec admitted taking in my appearance. "But that doesn't matter, they'll like you." He said matter-of-factly.

"How are you so sure?" I questioned crossing my arms.

Alec looked up with a half smile that tugged unfairly at my heartstrings. "Because I love you." He answered crushing all of the reasons why I didn't want to meet his family. After hearing those three words I had completely forgotten the reasons and I was mentally kicking myself for even thinking of any when I knew they would only hurt Alec.

"You're so unfair Alexander." I moaned pulling him to me. I pressed a kiss to his lips as my own heart skipped a beat.

"You were right mom, they're here!" Called a voice from just behind Alec. We pulled apart to see a blond man standing in the doorway. He must have been Jace, Alec's adoptive brother. _Thank god Alec gave me a crash course of his family on the cab ride over._ "But apparently they're too busy with each other to remember dinner."

"Shut up Jace!" Alec said turning red. He charged up the stairs and smacked his brother's shoulder. "Stop trying to scare Magnus off."

Jace Laughed swotting away another of Alec's assaults. "Alright, alright. Come on in you two." Jace said waving me inside.

I followed after Alec who took my hand as we started down a long corridor. It was lined with awards and achievements and family portraits. We past one that looked just like Alec with the same eye color and raven black hair, but this man was much older, and the picture was worn and fading. It wasn't Alec but an ancestor. _Amazing genetics._ I thought as we turned into a brightly lit room.

Jace made his way to a petite redheaded woman who was sitting on a long black leather couch. Standing by a wet bar was an older man, Alec's father, Robert Lightwood, he was pouring himself a drink but stopped to look at us. His hair and eyes were both a dark brown, clearly Alec hadn't inherited his looks from his father. Sitting at the other end of the couch was a woman with pale features but black hair and eyes. She was a striking beauty compared to her partner. Brown hair, glasses, and tannish skin. He was average looking.

Robert stepped away from the wet bar and over to Alec and I. His eyes were steady as he looked me over, studying me, looking for a fault I'm sure he'll find.

"Magnus Bane?" He said standing in front of me.

"Yes, Mr. Lightwood?" I replied raising a brow.

"Thank God, you're not in heels." Robert said holding out his hand.

"You're welcome." I said questionably as I shook his hand.

Then he turned and went back to pouring himself a drink. I stood staring in utter confusion.

"It was a joke, Magnus." Jace said from the couch.

"Of course it was a joke." Robert said turning around with a full glass of scotch. "I would never actually say something like that to a guest."

"You're humor is too dry dad." Alec said guiding me to a corner between the wet bar and the couch. We sat down on the love-seat, Alec's hand proudly and possessively on my knee.

"That's an understatement." The black haired girl scoffed. She had to be Isabelle, Alec's younger sister.

The room chuckled together, then in whirled a woman that demanded attention. Maryse Lightwood, it couldn't be anyone else.

"Alec." She smiled walking over to him. "How're you doing?" She asked kissing his forehead.

"Fine mom." Alec said embarrassed. This was a new flustered side to Alec I had never seen. I liked it.

"Mrs. Lightwood I love your shoes." I said taking in her hot-rod red stiletto heels.

She smiled, "Aren't they great."

"You should stop by my work. I can get you great deals on the new Conclave collection." I said with a wink. This was easier than I thought. It was just like work, but more casual.

"The Conclave." Maryse's eyes lit up. "Alec you never said your boyfriend had such connections."

"And with that the rest of us have been forgotten." The brunette man said wrapping an arm around Isabelle.

"Speak for yourself Lewis. My presence never goes forgotten." Jace said smugly.

"His name is Simon, and he's right. Mom loves a good shopping spree." Isabelle said.

"I guess I have an advantage." I smirked at them. "Can I give you a hand with anything Mrs. Lightwood?" I asked politely.

Maryse smiled and batted her lashes like a teenage girl. "Call me Maryse, Magnus. And you can start by telling me about your work." She said making her way across the room. I followed smirking over my shoulder at Alec. He stared back surprised, and I chuckled at it.

* * *

The bell chimed as I left Taki's. Kaelie had a generous tip on the table and my mouth still held the sweet taste of the hot chocolate. The sun had finished rising, and the city was fully awake. I had barely started down the sidewalk when I saw a familiar face. I turned around and hurried away back towards my apartment.

"Magnus!"

I walked even faster without answering. Keeping my head low hoping to get lost in the crowd. I didn't want to admit anything.

"Magnus stop!"

"ISABELLE JUST LEAVE ME ALONE." I yelled over my shoulder.

I took off. Running down the sidewalk. Heart pounding in my chest. Air wheezing in and out of my lungs. Tears stinging my eyes. I pushed past passersby and stumbled over my own feet as I raced away the chasing Lightwood.

_Not here. Not now. I won't talk._

* * *

**Welp, here two in one day, but now you guys might have to wait. I have to pre-write these chapters so the times don't get jumbled, and i write them in a notebook then put them up here. Sooooo it could be a few days, sorry. I just felt like spoiling you guys today since I've been missing. **

**Leave a review, and tell me your theories on what you think is going on, or what you want to see as the ending. CURIOSITY killed the cat and probably me too one day. SO DO IT leave that review**


	6. Chapter 6

**Growing A Family**

I dashed down several back streets, zig-zagging so Isabelle couldn't follow after me. My pace slowed as my legs grew too tired to keep running. My heart slammed against my chest while I panted for air that left my lungs too soon.

"Tag you're it." Laughed a high pitched voice.

I stopped my shuffling to look to my right. I was passing by a community playground. Kids were running around and laughing together, their parents and guardians sitting on benches talking casually with one another. I stepped off the sidewalk as I watched the happy scene. There were swings across the woodchip ground where a boy pushed a younger boy, probably his little brother. They were both smiling.

I wonder if Alec ever did that for Max before he past. Probably, the Lightwoods are a close family. So close that they can forget that outsiders aren't all at fault.

I shook my head. _No I won't think of them._

"Daddy! Daddy watch me!" Called a girl at the top of the slide. Below was a man with an amused smile.

"I am!" He called back.

* * *

"Do you ever think about having a family?" Alec randomly asked as we were preparing for bed.

I was in the bathroom washing off my makeup while he leaned in the door way, watching me in the mirror.

"Ahh, is there a wrong answer?" I replied back stunned. I had no idea where this came from, we never talked about anything like this before. I was just getting use to his brother's ego and his sister's constant dropping by my work. She was worse than their mother.

"Seriously Magnus." Alec prompted pushing off the door jam. He stood next to me at the sink staring at my reflection. My face was covered in blue tinted foam, it wasn't the best time for a serious conversation. Alec had crazy timing.

"No I haven't." I responded before bending over the sink to rinse off my face.

Alec didn't say anything until I began drying my face. "Why?" He asked following me into the bedroom.

"Why?" I repeated looking at him. It was pretty obvious why I hadn't.

"I know you never planned on settling down, but you never considered having a family? Not even once?" He asked sitting on the edge of the bed.

I tugged off my shirt and tossed it into the hamper by the closet. "Families aren't something I'm comfortable with." I admitted sitting on my side of the bed.

"So you don't want kids?" Alec looked at me with bright blue eyes, sadness twinkled in their depths.

_There was definitely a wrong answer to that question._

I choose my next reply carefully. "Kids don't like me. They see me in glitter and makeup and turn-tail and run."

The sadness in his eyes dimmed as he said, "If the child was your's I'm sure that wouldn't happen."

"Alec, where did this come from? You're only twenty-two, is now really the time to be thinking about kids?" I asked as my brows furrowed.

He looked down at his hands that were drawing imaginary patterns on the sheets. "It was take your child to work day, today and it just looked like a lot of fun." He replied and I felt a weight crash over me. This was another level to our relationship. This was ten times more serious than just moving in together and meeting parents.

"There's plenty of time to talk about this. Wait for your job to take off then we'll get into it." I said crawling under the blankets.

"But Magnus-" Alec began, but I wouldn't have it. Not now. This was still all new to me.

"Alec give it time. Goodnight." I said rolling over so my back was to him.

* * *

I should have handled that better, but it didn't really matter. Alec was always a determined little puppy that always got what he wanted. All he had to do was pout and make his eyes water and I was a pathetic puddle that couldn't fight back.

The little girl squealed with laughter as she slid down the slide. Running into her father's arms and he swept her into the air, both laughing.

* * *

"Magnus!" Yelled Alec as he barreled through the door. I jumped up from the couch startled.

"What?" I replied as he came towards me.

He grabbed my collar and pulled me into a hot kiss that left me baffled. Was this my Alec?

He smiled smugly at me that he must have picked up from me after almost two years together, because the Alec before couldn't make that expression.

"You're not the only one who got promoted." He said proudly. His blue eyes sparkling with triumph.

Last week I was made the manager of the boutique and had started working much more, and was getting paid excellently. Soon Alec and I would have enough money saved up to move out of this cramped apartment.

"Congratulations!" I said wrapping my arms around him.

We kissed again and again, and I was preparing for another when Alec stopped me.

"I want a family."

I dropped onto the couch with a heavy sigh. "Alec we've already talked about this." I said burying my face into my hands.

"No you brush it off with "You don't have a definite job at the firm yet." Well now I do, so there is no excuse not to talk about it." He replied firmly.

"We live in a small apartment." I said as an obstacle.

"We're moving soon. Adoption would take time."

"They don't want people like us adopting." I said flatly. My temper was rising and so was Alec's.

"Gays adopt every day." Alec's voice rose as he stood over me. "Why can't we just talk about this Magnus? Why do you keep refusing?" He fought.

"Stop it, Alexander." I warned pulling my hands away from my face.

"Don't "Alexander" me. I deserve an answer." He declared.

I got to my feet so I was taller than him. My face felt hot and my hands were clenched at my sides. "I don't want children." I said darkly.

"Why not?" He yelled.

"I DON'T WANT TO BE LIKE _HIM_." I screamed.

Below banged our downstairs neighbors, wanting us to be quiet.

Alec stared up at me. Eyes hard like ice while his mouth trembled. We've never fought like this before.

"Who?" He breathed.

* * *

I never did tell him. He let it go after I walked out of the apartment and to a bar. I spent most of the night there.

Maybe I should have told him it was my father. Maybe I should have told him I never wanted to be like him, I didn't want to risk it. Hurting kids. Scaring them. Making them feel weak. I never wanted to screw up a kid's life. I wasn't parent material.

_I should have said something before it was too late. Maybe if I had, would he still have left?_

My stomach turned into a tight knot threatening to expel my breakfast. I swallowed thickly before turning away form the kids and heading back down the streets.

* * *

**Two flashbacks in one chapter, WHAT? Yup, hope you guys liked it. And maybe things are starting to become more clear for you guys on whats happening, but I doubt it :P I don't want you guys knowing about Alec until the last possible moment. Muahahaha. But that could be soon, it could be many chapters away. It'll probably be soon, because this story isn't meant to be super long, just a dozen or so chapters.**

**SO LEAVE A REVIEW. Leave your guesses, *whispers* or your soul. AND HAVE A GOOD DAY.**


	7. Chapter 7

**A Fault Or Lies**

When was the last time I spent all night in a bar? Two years. Two long long years. But they weren't long enough. The days ticking by faster than I ever thought possible now I wish I could rewind time and divulge in those moments I had with him. Memories weren't enough. With more time they, too, will disappear, like the scent of his skin after making love, the look in his eyes when I managed to leave work early, the off-key whistling in the kitchen every morning. Soon they will all fade and I'll really be alone.

Completely left alone.

I stifled a cried into the crook of my elbow as I turned down a side street that would lead back to my apartment. The people around me gave me strange looks, but I didn't care. I didn't need to worry what they thought about me. I knew what I looked like; a pathetic grown man suppressing the urge to burst into emotional tears in public. I would give dirty looks too if I saw someone like me. That's what happens to people who live in the city, it turns them sour and incapable of being compassionate. It's a horrible fate, but we all bare it, every city born person. We are horrible.

The climb up the stairs to my apartment was tiring after the sprint I did across the evil city. I was panting and felt slightly lightheaded as I rounded the corner to the hall where our. . . no my door was located. I was alone. It was my apartment. Just mine. . .

"Finally Magnus."

My heart froze in my chest as I looked up. _Why? Why? Why now? I just wanted to sleep. . ._ To try and sleep, but I knew all that waited for me in my unconsciousness were nightmares. Nightmares like this.

* * *

_"It's okay Magnus." He hummed caressing my cheek. His palm was cold, like his eyes. They were ice where they touched me. "I'll be here when you get back." He promised, but it was clearly a lie. _

_I nodded and turned to walk out the apartment, but pause and turn to tell him something, something really important. He wasn't there. He was gone. My chest tightened painfully and I couldn't stop the hyperventilating that started quickly. I spun around looking for him, I have to tell him. Tell him something so very important._

_Then I found him. _

_"What's wrong Magnus?" He asked tilting his head. His tone was chilled like hell froze over, it dug into my heart like a million jagged pieces of glass. "Missing something?" His smile was cruel as he stepped toward me._

_I stumbled backwards, actually afraid of him. The man I knew to be the gentlest creature in the world, the sweetest man to have ever lived, but maybe that was the problem. He was too perfect for me, a creep, scum, an alleyway trashy slut. I'd been called that more than once over the years before I meant this man before me. . ._

_"I have to tell you something." I said in a shaky voice. _

_"And what's that?" He asked tilting his head to the other side like it would change how he saw me. His smirk grew darker, colder. It scared me._

_"I-"_

_""I?"" He took a step towards me. I was frozen to the floor, unable to escape him. I shouldn't have wanted to flee from him, but I did. I really really did. "It was always about you." He spat. "You. You. You. What you liked, what you hated, what you wanted! What did I do? I listened, I followed. I tried to reason, but no. Not any more Magnus! I want _kids_. I want everything _you _didn't. So that's what I went to get."_

_My stomach dropped into my heels. With every word he spoke I knew it was fair, but I didn't like it. I didn't want it. I wanted him. I needed him. He made my life better, was it wrong to want better? _For me, yeah it probably was.

_Then suddenly the scene changed, it always changed at this point. There was a large group of people gathered, all in dark clothing. I barely recognized anyone, or maybe I wasn't meant to. I never really made _that_ sort of effort, but I should have. He had asked me so kindly to, but I didn't did I? Ironically it was raining, of course it would rain how else would the emotional trauma be expressed._

_I shuffled around the edges of the group staying out of sight, I didn't belong there. I was an outsider. Several people already said so. . . Lightwoods, close family. _

_"Magnus, what are you doing here?" Came the crackling voice of Mrs. Lightwood, Maryse. _

_"I-"_

_"I don't want you here. You hurt my son. This is all your fault!" She yelled gathering the attention of most of the gathered._

_"Ma'am," I tried slowly, but her husband arrived with pure angry in his eyes. _

_"I think you should leave." He said darkly. "This _is_ your fault. I should have seen this, stopped Alec before this happened. Now it's too late, and it's your fault." Robert wrapped an arm around his wife and began pulling her away from me and towards the commotion down the white hall. Other people dressed in green and white herding the darkly dressed people away from a windowed room._

_"THIS IS YOUR FAULT! WHY MY SON YOU BASTARD. I'VE LOST ONE ALREADY I CAN'T, NOT AGAIN." Maryse cried as she was dragged to the room._

_Her words stung, worse than any knife wound, or acid burn, because I knew she was right. It was my fault. If I had just talked to him, told him the truth, if I wasn't so caught up in work, if. . . If, if, if, if. . . _

_"Magnus?" Called Isabelle as she stepped out of the room Robert and Maryse moved towards._

_I turned away with stomach churning and heart searing pain._

_"Magnus!" She yelled, her heels clicking down the hall. "Wait, just wait!"_

_"Isabelle, leave that bastard alone. He deserves nothing after this." Her father commanded, and his words almost sent me over the edge. But somehow I managed to stay on my feet long enough to reach the end of the hall to come face-to-face with Alec again._

_"It is your fault, you know Magnus." He said with the most wicked smile I had ever seen. I could only imagine that that's what death looks like as he takes a child's life for his own amusement. _

That's when I wake up. Crying, trembling, panting, heart racing with pure guilt and fear. And loneliness. If I had only been honest.

* * *

"Magnus, are you alright?"

I lost it. I had been holding it in all day, I couldn't do it anymore. I cried, leaning again the wall to keep me upright. "Why won't you just leave me alone? I don't need any more reminders. I-I know it's my fault, I know. Just go away." I sobbed into my hands.

"Magnus we're not here to blame you." Isabelle's voice was gentle. I didn't deserve it.

"Izzy, we should get him inside." That was Jace.

Before I could struggle, not that I had the energy, I was frisked for my keys and pulled inside my own apartment. Still a sobbing mess as I collapsed on the messy sofa.

"Get out!" I ordered, but of course they didn't listen. They were Lightwoods.

"Magnus we came here to talk." Isabelle said her voice still gentle.

"I don't want to talk. I want you out of here. NOW." I pulled my arms away from my face to glare at them, but the tears only blurred their faces with the background.

"Bane, we know-"

I snapped. "See that's it. You don't know. You have no idea. You're Lightwoods, I don't want you around. None of you. I can't stand the sight of you, it makes everything worse." I got to my feet, weakly, but I was up with my anger boiling. "You're parents are soulless people that understand what I've done. Now get out and don't come back."

Jace stepped towards me, I couldn't see his expression through the tears but I could hear the hurt and anger in his voice. "You won't answer your phone. We're not doing this for you. We're not doing this for ourselves. We're doing this for-"

"_HE_ shouldn't have left!" I screamed at him. "He lied! He left! Not me! Him, so I don't want to hear this crap!" I pushed him away from me.

Jace started for me, but Isabelle grabbed his shoulder stopping him.

"You don't believe that Magnus." Isabelle said, tears thick in her voice.

My knees shook under me, more tears streaming down my face, a sob lodged in my throat strangling me. "I-I-I. . . I know." I cried falling to the floor. "I left first. I walked out the door. I shouldn't have, I should have stayed, but. . . He swore he would be here when I got back. H-He wasn't."

* * *

**Sorry it's taken me so long guys. I've had some serious writers block lately and yet at the same time I got this pretty cool idea for a book. so I've been busy getting plots and so many stories in line. AGAIN I apologize for the long hiatus type thing, so here you have it. Long over due. **

**Hope you guys like it, because the next chapter will be revealing the mystery behind Alec. I know I probably said the story would be around a dozen chapters, but I don't think that's going to happen. there's this chapter, the reveling chapter, and lastly the wrap up chapter. The chapter I actually wrote first. SO I'M SORRY IF I GOT YOUR HOPES UP. **

**Sorry for the short story. But this tale it only meant take place through one present day in Magnus' life, and if I make it longer that purpose would be defeated. (Okay technically two days but the second doesn't really count, since it's all in his head.) anyway**

**LEAVE A REVIEW please**

**and last chances to tell me what you think happened to Alec. I've gotten missing, ran away, injured in hospital, dead, dating someone else, and a lot of other's where people beg for a happily ever after. It's Malec guys :) **


	8. Chapter 8

**The Leap Before The Fall**

How much pain must a man suffer? How much can he endure before it rips him apart? Why does it seem that my has more pain than others? Is it just me being self-centered? Unable to see what's happening to the people around me? Probably. . . But all I can think about is myself. What I should have done differen.t How I could have changed things if I had really given it a good hard thought, but I didn't.

And I have paid dearly for it.

I was a crumpled mess on the floor as Jace and Isabelle just stared. What could they do? They couldn't help me. No matter how many times they said it wasn't my fault we all knew the truth. It was. They may not blame me, but I caused it. All of it. Their pain, my pain, the hollowness inside the apartment, the emptiness that rang deep in their parents. It was all me. I should have listened better, spoke more.

"Magnus. . . Get up." Isabelle softly said, but there was an uncertain tone to her voice. She didn't want to console me that much was obvious, but she was trying to do the right thing.

What if I had done the right thing? What was the right thing? What would have been the proper thing to do at that time? . . .

* * *

Lips locked in a heated embrace, hands pulling at fabric, bodies pressed so close it was impossible to tell one from the other. It was our anniversary. Not of dating, though that was important, but not nearly as important as the day we met, which is what we were celebrating. That day we met by chance in Pandemonium. If it wasn't for that club we probably wouldn't be where we were, and I was thankful. Happy to have this man in my arms, wrapped around me like he was desperate to breath and I was his air. Nothing felt more right, more perfect than that moment. . .

Then my cellphone went off, ruining the moment with the never ending buzzing.

"Answer it." Alec panted. He pulled away, climbing off my lap and I couldn't stop the groan that sounded in the back of my throat from the distance. We were just getting to the good part; removing clothing.

"What?" I said into my phone, annoyance clear with every letter.

"I need you to come in." It was Ragnor Fell, my assistant manager. "There's been a shipping error, and I need your help in correcting it before the shipment arrives or we'll be stuck with ten times the number of handbags than we want." His tone was serious and urgent.

"Why can't you handle it." I groaned into the phone.

"The won't take my ID number. You made the shipment order." He replied.

I groaned again as I looked over at Alec who was sipping at his wine. His cheeks flushed, a smile on his face that fell the moment our eyes met. My heart ached as I looked away from him. "Okay, I'll handle it." I told Ragnor before hanging up on him. I tossed my phone on the couch with a heavy sigh that left my lightheaded, maybe it was all the wine I drank earlier.

"What is it?" Alec asked, concerned.

"Work." I replied rubbing at my face.

Alec was silent, but I felt his hand run down my back.

"I have to go, it's important." I said from behind my hands. I knew I had to go, but I didn't want to. I could have given Fell my ID number, that would solve everything, but I didn't trust him enough to do that, even after eight years of working together.

"What's wrong?" Alec asked. His hand was now petting my hair that was probably messed up from Alec's hands running through it. I loved when he touched my hair, it was relaxing.

"Shipping issue, they need my ID number." I said dropping my hands. I looked at him, his blue eyes were soft, caring, understanding. _Could he be any more perfect?_ "It could wait. I can go back after Ragnor closes the shop."

Alec chuckled as he leaned toward me, "Magnus, we both know you won't want to go anywhere once you're in bed." He kissed the corner of my mouth, teasing me. He learned well over the years.

I smirked, "Who said _anything_ about a bed. I had much more entertaining idea for our venue."

I leaned towards him and snatched a lustful kiss before he pushed away with a deep chuckle. "Just go to work Magnus. I'll be here when you get back." He smiled as he caressed my cheek.

I sighed again. "Okay." I kissed his forehead before I got to my feet.

* * *

"Bane." Jace stepped toward me. It wasn't sympathy in his voice, it was something much worse than pity. It was dark like anger, and bitter like hate. It was blame, accusation. A statement that carved at my already scared and mangled heart.

"Jace." Isabelle almost begged, but it was weak an held almost as much desperation as Jace's voice.

I couldn't get up. The Lightwoods were too much, they sent me over the edge. I could no longer hold myself together, I was barely managing it for the last week now they had just ripped me apart with a simple appearance. I was still crying into my hands on the floor of my apartment like a child, and I was older than bother of them. What _could_ I do?

* * *

I was pleased to have fixed the mishap within only twenty minutes, my drive alone had taken longer than the task. _It could have waited until after at least round one. _I thought to myself as I stared down the street trying to flag down a taxi. When I had finally managed to get one I was in a hurry to get home, to get back to Alec, to get back to our fun. As I was climbing into the cab I thought I heard someone call my name, I figured it was Ragnor, or a customer that recognized me I practically jumped into the back seat and snapped the address to the apartment to the cabby.

The half hour ride back felt excruciating. I needed Alec. This was just suppose to be our night, but of course work had gotten in the way. If it wasn't mine, then it would have been Alec's. The universe hadn't been kind the last few months whenever we tried to be together, it was getting rather annoying.

"Alright! Back to the romancing!" I declared as I walked in the door of our apartment.

I was greeted with the Chairman's gurgled meow from the kitchen table. Alec wasn't in the living room, or the kitchen. "I thought I said I had a better venue in mind?" I teased loudly as I made my way to the bedroom. "The bed gets old Alexander. Pillows will not stop me this time." I chuckled as I opened the door.

He wasn't there.

I went to the bathroom, all humor gone. It too was empty. "Alec?" I called going back to the bedroom and throwing open the closet. "This isn't funny!" I said frantically when I didn't find him there.

I tore the house apart before I came to the horrible conclusion he wasn't there. _What kind of horrible game is this? _I thought angrily as I pulled out my cellphone and called him. It rang several times then went to voicemail.

"Damnit Alec." I hissed redialing.

It rang.

And rang.

My heart froze in my chest with the next ring.

Then there was a click as it was answered, my heart resumed beating furiously in my chest with relief.

"Where the hell are you?" I demanded.

"Who is this?" It was a woman's voice. Startled and worried.

"Who is this?" I challenged back.

"I'm a nurse at NYC general hospital." She answered. My heart froze again. "We have just admitted Alexander Lightwood, you should get here quickly."

"What?" I said not comprehending her words. "Why would Alec be there?"

"He was in an accident. He apparently stumbled into the street and was hit. The caller ID says you're Magnus Bane, you're one of his emergency contacts, you need to get here quickly. Call his family. I'm sorry but his condition isn't good." The nurse said but I still didn't understand.

* * *

"Did you know Alec was hit outside your shop?" Jace asked coldly.

My stomach knotted. I did know.

I couldn't respond.

"He was drunk, thought it would be a good idea to go after you." He said and his voice cracked. This was no easier for him than it was me.

"Jace stop." Isabelle begged.

"From what an eyewitness says, he called out to you, but you didn't turn. You jumped into a cab and left him behind." He hissed.

It wasn't Ragnor, or a customer. I had been Alec, trying to surprise me. Probably with a moonlit walk home, he was that kind of romantic.

"He ran after you," Jace's voice was shaking and if I were to look at him I'm sure I would see tears in his eyes. "Into traffic. A HUMAN CAN'T DODGE FOUR CARS BANE. ALEC WAS ONLY HUMAN." He yelled.

"Jace." Isabelle cried.

My cries had become so hard they had cut off my voice. Leaving me mute as my face reddened more, and tears stained my face and the carpet below me.

"Our parents blame you for that." His voice darkened. That was unexpected. "I don't. That was Alec's drunken state, his actions. I blame you for not visiting him during the two hours we had with him. I blame you for not attending the funeral. I blame you for letting my parents drag every piece of evidence Alec was ever here from your apartment. I blame you for not getting off your sorry ass and not paying your god-damn respects at the wake, or the grave! IF YOU LOVED HIM THEN YOU'RE DOING A SHITTY JOB SHOWING IT."

I pulled my hands away from my face, and forced myself into a sitting position. "I've been accused of murder by your parents." I said weakly staring down at his shoes. "I was kept away from the hospital by hired guards. I was threatened to not be within a mile of the wake or the funeral. I'm being stalked to make sure I never go near the grave. Do you believe I choose not to go to those? It has been torture. I'm fairly sure I've gone insane because of this, and you think I _wanted _to stay away from Alexander?" I glared up at him. ""_Just go to work Magnus. I'll be here when you get back._"" I quoted to them. "That's what he promised. Those are his words, but he didn't keep them. He walked out that door, and left."

* * *

**Well that was a sad an painful chapter to write. . . good thing I'm buzzed or you guys wouldn't have gotten this for quite a few more days because I would have been crying and an emotional wreck. Alcohol makes me a much more serious thinker and writer I think...**

**ANYHOOOOOO**

**You know the drill LEAVE A REVIEW PWEASE**


	9. Chapter 9

**Every Step Afterward**

"Who cares," Yelled Jace. His hands fists at his sides. "THEY'RE MY PARENTS AND I DON'T CARE WHAT THEY SAY. THEY'RE WRONG."

I stood frozen. I was sure I had the upper hand in this fight. That after my last out burst they wouldn't have any argument, but here was Jace fighting tooth and nail to get me to listen. But listen to what. My boyfriend was dead, and everyone believed it was my fault, and I was starting to agree with them. If only I hadn't left, if only I had given Ragnor the code, if only I had turned when I heard my name called.

"He's right Magnus." Isabelle said. Her voice was thick with unshed tears, and her dark eyes gleamed in the faint sunlight coming through the crack in the curtains.

"Who cares what they think, the truth is all that matters. And the fact is that it was all an accident. Alec was drunk, and he was never that good at thinking when intoxicated." Jace stated firmly. His golden eyes fixed intently on me as he spoke.

"When you two first started going out he talked about you all the time. He knew what you were like, the type of person you were, but he still really liked you. He said that you were the kind of guy that didn't care what other people thought of him, or what sort of impression he gave off. That you were the type to be who he really was with his heart. Alec admired that about you, and I think that's the reason he fell for you so fast." Isabelle said, her gaze taking a far away look. She was probably remembering Alec, we all were. His smile. His laugh. His quirky habits.

"So are you just going to stand there and say that what Alec liked about you wasn't really you? If you do I swear I'll beat you to a pulp." Jace growled between clenched teeth.

I nawed at my inner cheek at a loss of what to say. It was like I had been smashed in the face with a wrecking ball but I couldn't feel the pain yet. I was in shock. They were right, I never really cared about people's opinions, but then I met Alexander. He was the first person I didn't want to disappoint. The first person I wanted to have their important people like me. He was the first for everything important to me. My first real love, true partner, family. Alec was everything, and in one night he was taken away from me. Not by the accident, but by his parents. Robert and Maryse Lightwood locked me out during the worse time, and the last moments Alec had. They took that away from me while they were blaming me for taking away their son. I didn't take him away. Alec was too strong to ever be captured.

I gulped several lung fulls of air, slowing the still streaming tears, and calming my racing heart. I brushed my messing hair out of my face so I could face the Lightwood siblings honestly and like I should have been doing from the start. Like the man I was. "I can't believe I had to hear this from a bunch of children, I should have been able to figure that out on my own." Straightforward, and sarcastic. "Where are Alec's things? I'll be taking them back and I will be making a very important visit to _my_ boyfriend's place of rest, not to be confused with our bed." Some how the normal joking way I use to speak was even more comforting than crying. It was like Alec was still here and I was talking to him instead of the constant mourning of his departure.

Isabelle almost cracked a smile while Jace huffed crossing his arms.

"I think I like you better as a blubbery mess." Jace said.

"That was a mere fluke Lightwood, don't be expecting to be seeing that ever again." I said crossing my own arms over my chest.

"They put Alec's stuff in a storage unit down town." Isabelle said rummaging in her purse for something. "I had a feeling you might need this." Her voice had brightened slightly as she held out a silver key to me.

"Thanks Izzy. You're not as annoying as I thought." I said taking the key.

For a moment the apartment was silent. I held the storage key in my hand as we all listened to my words hang in the air around us, though they weren't really mine. Alec use to say that when his sister was being useful instead of being an annoying little girl. Without a doubt that's what we were all thinking about.

"If you were anyone else, I would have beaten you for saying that." Isabelle chortled. It wasn't a real laugh, not with humor but with sadness and honesty.

* * *

With the three of us it was a quick trip to the storage unit facility to get Alec's things and bring them back to my apartment. The boxes cluttered the small living room like the day we first moved in together. It was past sunset when we finished and Jace and Isabelle had families to get back to leaving me alone surrounded by the possessions that made the apartment feel like home again. I didn't unpack anything, I had no energy to do so.

I couldn't sit around staring at the boxes, my heart wouldn't be able to handle that not after today, so I left the apartment. I walked with my head held high as I made my way down the street, hailing a taxi along the way and giving the man the address. He gave me a weird look because of my destination after sundown. It was a strange place to visit so late, and it was probably already closed but it was a place plenty of teenagers sneak into for kicks and giggles. Once the cabbie pulled over I paid him and got out to be faced with the tall gate of a cemetery. The cemetery where Alexander was laid to rest, the place the Lightwoods didn't want me to be anywhere near. But I was Magnus Bane I didn't care what people wanted from me, the person I did care about was gone.

Getting inside the gate was easier than I imagined, and finding the Lightwood family grave sight wasn't difficult either. It was on a hill where a large stone L was placed, Alec's grave was several yards down the side of the hill right next to his brother Max. The ground was packed dirt with bouquets of fresh flowers laid across it. I should have brought something to show my respect but hot chocolate didn't seem appropriate, then again Alec would have been really happy to have some no matter what.

I shoved my hands into my pockets as I stared down at the headstone; Alexander G. Lightwood, beloved son and brother. It should have said Beloved husband and father. I should have been man enough to give him that much, but I messed up.

_Don't go there Magnus._ I reminded myself. I was not at fault. Alec was taken before his time and it was a mistake.

"I should have locked you in our room, but that would have been childish." I spoke out loud, to Alec. Whether he could actually hear me or not didn't matter, I missed him so much. "Jace and Isabelle helped me steal your things back today. Your brother can be kinda scary ya know? Chairman misses eating the scraps while you cook." I paused trying to remain calm, to force back the tears that wanted to spill. "I miss you. I'm sorry I haven't been to see you, your parents have gotten pretty possessive, but I guess it makes sense. They're your parents. . . You probably would have been the same when letting our kids go to school for the first time. You would be such a mom, packing lunches, singing them to sleep -badly may I might add- giving them sweets all the time." I sniffled, wiping at my eyes before the tears could fall.

"I'm sorry I told you no. I was scared. I didn't want to be like my father, he was a cruel man. Yelled, punished for the wrong reasons, my mother never stopped him, but now that I've thought about it I wouldn't have been like him at all. I had you. You would have made a great parent, and I could have learned from you, I'm sorry."

I stood there just talking to Alec, apologizing most of the time, but I told him everything. Everything he should have known about me, things he probably already did, things that probably didn't matter at all, everything. I wasn't surprised when I saw the sunrise over the city, I had a lot to tell him.

I snuck out of the cemetery before I could be caught, but my thoughts were still with Alec.

People say it's the first step that's the hardest, but they're wrong. It's the walk after that initial step that's hard. Passing everything that once meant so much, but now only leaves you with bittersweet memories of what once was. Finding the will to take another step after the push is what's hard, and I do it. Everyday. Because I know that's what he would have wanted me to do, for me to live on for the both of us, and I will. No matter how hard it gets or how sad and lost I become I'll never be lonely, not anymore, because he's in my heart. I fell in love with him, I loved him, and I'll always love him.

_Alexander Lightwood rest in peace my love, and wait for me. It'll be a few years, but wait for me. I'll have plenty of stories to tell you when we meet in the next life. And when that comes I'm never letting you go._

* * *

**THE END~~~ **

**I know short ending but that's that. Magnus has come to terms and will do what he must and wants. So thoughts feelings concerns? Send them in the reviews. **

**That last paragraph "People say..." was written before everything else late at night when this story came to me. I've been dying to post it and find out what you guys think about it. :) so let me know please. (and I know it was probably pure evil of me to kill Alec off I'm sorry but the author in me came out and wanted to write something really sad)**


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